Maximum Ride Story Jokes!
by The Lightning Knight
Summary: A collection o MR-Themed Jokes that YOU can add to! More detail inside. WARNING : Extremely Random. Need more jokes!
1. Intro & First Joke

Disclaimer: I don't own MR, or any of the stuff I used in my last Fanfiction. If I owned Maximum Ride, I'd insert a character named Lightning who's part rat and competes with Fang for Max and creates bombs with Iggy and the Gasman and uses annoying run-on sentences. But that's not important now.

I was thinking about random stuff, and I thought of something - Maximum Ride jokes! You can leave them in the reviews, and I might use them if they're within a PG or under rating - Some seven-year-old might get on here and be like, Mommy, what does $!%!!$ mean? Sorry, I'm just really random right now! And, preferably, they need to be story jokes. 

I'm gonna start now. 

One day, Max was taking a shower. She knew that Nudge, the Gasman, and Iggy were the only ones in the house. There was a knock on the door, so Max put on her towel to get it. 

Nudge was there when she opened it. 

"Hey, Max," she said, "I got some cute new clothes!"

"Congratulations," Max said. She got back in the shower. Then another knock .

She put on her towel and walked to the door.

It was the Gasman. 

"Max," he said, "You know how there's 'Pull-my-Finger' and 'Silent but Deadly?'"

"Yeah, so?"

"I pulled both at the same time!" 

"Congratulations." 

Max closed the door quickly before the smell could get in. She got back in the shower.

A few minutes later, there was another knock. She knew it had to be Iggy (who was blind), so she didn't bother putting her towel on.

"Great news, Max!" Iggy said, "I got my eyesight back!"

(A bit toward the PG side, but it's based on a joke on a tween message board. I got this idea from a joke I heard before, and the scene in the second book where Max won't let Iggy come in because she's in a towel, and he reminds her that he's blind.) 

Now that the joke's over, it's time for…. 

ExTrEmE RaNdOmNeSs!!!!!!!!!

Bob is a Rock

He is 98% Rock, 2% Rock.

All the girls love him.

Wait, if it's a rock, it's not a boy, OR a girl. 

So dudes can have crushes on Bob without being considered weird. 

Bob should join the flock.

He'd be the best member. 

They could throw him at their enemies.

And Total would pee on him. 

And Ari would attempt to kill Bob, but he'd be like,

"What the crud, this thing's a ROCK!"

And he'd marry Max.

And Lightning and Fang would be mad. 

And they'd have Rock-Human-Bird kids.

But no matter what,

Bob is a Rock. 


	2. Why The Flock Can't Get Dates

Today's jokes are called.....

"Why ___________ Can't Get a Date!"

Why Max Can't Get A Date:

Max: Hey.

Boy: Hey.

Max: So, wanna play some football? I'm totally gonna crush you 'cause you're a boy!

Boy: What does that have to do with anything? And why do you keep calling me and my friends sexist pigs when YOU'RE here saying girls are better?

Max: YOU SEXIST PIG! (Runs off)

Why Fang Can't Get A Date:

Girl: ... And I was all, "Whatever, Bob, just 'cause you're a rock doesn't mean you rock. And they were all..." Fang, are you even listening?

Fang: Yeah.

Girl: Talk to me about my issues.

Fang: Why?

Why Iggy Can't Get A Date:

Girl: Does this make me look fat?

Iggy: I dunno.

Girl: THAT MEANS IT DOES!!!!

Iggy: I really don't know. I'm bl-

Girl: (Runs off crying, cutting him off)

Why Nudge Can't Get A Date:

Nudge: ....And I was all, "Oh, no you di-in't insult Max's rock fiancé!"

Boy: (Uninterested) Uh-Huh.

Nudge: So anyway, do you like pizza? I like pizza! Hey are you even awake?

Why Gazzy Can't Get A Date:

Girl: Gazzy, quit it with the Constatation song!

Gazzy: Why?

Girl: It's gross. Ew, Gazzy! Is THAT why they call you the Gasman?

Gazzy: .... Maybe.

Why Ari Can't get A Date:

Ari: We'll go and have a candle-lit dinner!

Girl: Oh, Ari! Taht's so romantic!

Ari: And then we'll have a long stroll in the park.

Girl: That's wonderful.

Ari: And I'll chop your legs off so you can't get away!

Why Total Can't Get A Date:

Total: (To a human) Wanna go out? Girl dogs can't have a long-term relationship.

Human: Um, you're a dog. Wouldn't dating you be sorta.... wrong?

Total: Uuuuhhh....

Why Angel CAN Get A Date:

Boy: Sorry, but we barely know each other. And we're too young.

Angel: (Stares at him, and he looks confused)

Boy: (Confused look) I'll pick you up at seven.

Angel: I knew you would.

______________________________________________________________________________

ExtrEmE RanDoMnEsS!!!!

I have a scam idea.

I'll open a wedding chapel/annulment court/bar/hotel/casino in Vegas.

Then I'll hold the weddings for free.

But annulments are five bucks.

And most people (married in Vegas) will pay five bucks.

Plus, we'll take millionaires to the bar,

And they'll start giving away money.

The wedding staff will be:

Me (Owner/Judge)

Weird Al, the FreeCreditReport singer, and the Gasman. (Chapel/Bar Singers)

Bob the Rock (Substitute Father)

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Angel (In case anyone has "Second Thoughts")

Moe (Bartender)

My Weird Friends who claim to have been Hippies, Hobos, Terrorists, and Illegal Immagrants (I don't really know what they do)

Sorry if that wasn't appropriate! But it's been in my head sense yesterday morning!


	3. Reading the Reviews!

Ok, we're taking a small break, to look at these comments. You jokes will resume quickly. Don't sue me!

faxnessfan says:

Omg, best story ever! XD  
Lol, that was completely and utterly random- nice work!

**As Weird Al says, "Dare to be Stupid!". And there's some better stories here, some that inspired some of my randomness.** **Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu****gave me some ideas. I'd suggest reading it if you like random humor and/or romance. **

maximumride230 says:

okay, the whole Bob thing was pretty weird, but the Iggy thing was funny. I'll have jokes in the next review.

**Please! I need more jokes! And that's OK - plenty of other people have enough taste to appriciate Bob's awesomeness! (Lol, just joking!) **

says:

lol! I loove Bob the RocK!

**Doesn't everyone? He rocks! (Cause... He's a rock. Sorry. I just had to say that.)**

SmartA55 says:

um...  
first joke was funny  
...the second one however was just sorta...not...  
keep trying though  
sorry, dont have any jokes for ya

**OMG U FLAMR! Lol, just joking! Thank you for telling me that. I try to have different types of jokes that appeal to different people. **

XcaaiitttlllliiiiinnnnnnX says:

Hhaha Bob,the rock,totaly FUNNY!:Plmao

**Yeah. He's very hot too. He's gray so he attracts sunlight. (Gets arrested for another bad joke)**

Hhaha nicee!! I love the way _cant get it date,they were all hilariouse.:):P

**Thanks. I had the idea thinking of blind jokes for Iggy. (Hey, maybe I should do a chapter about that!)**

awesomeness says:

LOVE this. i have a joke...not sure if its appropiate though... U SEXIST PIG! (runs off) lol

**Just leave it in the comments. I'll decide if it's appropriate or not**.

Just because this is a review-chapter doesn't mean that you can get away from....

ExTrEmE RaNdOmNeSs!!!!

In today's news,

Lightning's Wedding Chapel and Casino was shut down today because of various lawsuits.

And Bob the Rock and Maximum Ride's wedding is in a few months or so.

In other news, there's a cereal killer on the loose.

He just shot the box of store-brand Coco-Puffs,

And is now after the real thing.

If you see him, please call 1800-OMG-MY-CEREAL-WAZ-KILLED.

Now, I am under arrest for too many bad puns.

I'm under a bed where a guy is resting.

Get it?

Uh-Oh. I'm in more trouble now.

Gotta go!


	4. YO MAMMA JOKES!

OK, now, if these offend you, you should leave.

It is now time for....

YO MAMMA JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I am not talking about your mother. There's this woman named Yo Mamma who likes being insulted. So I'm doing her a favor. I rock like that.)

Yo Mamma's so ugly, Nudge saw her and screamed, "AAAAH! ERASER!"

Yo Mamma's so fat, that she has wings but they can't hold her up.

Yo Mamma's so stupid, Angel tried to read her mind, but couldn't find anything.

Yo Mamma's so fat, she destroyed Itex by sitting on Europe.

Yo Mamma's so stupid, she clicked the join the flock button on the website and expected to grow wings.

Yo Mamma's so ugly, she made OMEGA freak out!

And now, written by Bite Me Not! (A fan) this time....

ExTrEmE RaNdOmNeSs!

Hello?  
1800-OMG-MY-CEREAL-WAZ-KILLED  
The Cereal Killer go the Coco-Puffs!  
It's a tragedy!  
Wa!  
Oh well.  
And I have just been told that Fang and Lightning are planing to Kill Bob!  
Oh no!!  
Who will they throw at Ari now?!?!  
Well Max might throw Lightning and Fang at him...  
Wait!!  
I thought Ari was dead... Is he back from the dead again?!?!


End file.
